Forgiveness
I've decided that our first topic is forgiveness: when is something unforgiveable?
I had been browsing through a book entitled Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC by Frederick Buechner. It's a book geared toward Christians but I think this passenger is true of forgiveness regardless of your religion:
"When somebody you've wronged forgives you, you're spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.
When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you're spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.
For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."
So, I will use this as a springboard for our discussion. Although forgiveness produces a mutual feeling of "rightness" within the relationship again, is there ever a when something is simply unforgiveable? For example, should you forgive someone who is a repeat offender or someone who's made a terrible error such as murder?
I think that nothing is unforgiveable per se, but that there are things that are extremely extremely hard to forgive. That is to say, I don't think that people should forgive some actions but it is not impossible to do so. For example, I would not forgive someone for genocide.
Your thoughts?
I realize that this topic is rather simple, but I wanted to start out that way.
I had been browsing through a book entitled Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC by Frederick Buechner. It's a book geared toward Christians but I think this passenger is true of forgiveness regardless of your religion:
"When somebody you've wronged forgives you, you're spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.
When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you're spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.
For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."
So, I will use this as a springboard for our discussion. Although forgiveness produces a mutual feeling of "rightness" within the relationship again, is there ever a when something is simply unforgiveable? For example, should you forgive someone who is a repeat offender or someone who's made a terrible error such as murder?
I think that nothing is unforgiveable per se, but that there are things that are extremely extremely hard to forgive. That is to say, I don't think that people should forgive some actions but it is not impossible to do so. For example, I would not forgive someone for genocide.
Your thoughts?
I realize that this topic is rather simple, but I wanted to start out that way.
posted by Wannabe-Socrates | 6:47 PM
6 Comments:
Deciding whether someone should be forgiven after a terrible deed is a very tricky decision, often depending on the specifics of the case. What often confuses and makes me question my morals is when one friend violates the emotions of another friend, multiple times for that matter. Should you forgive the friend that wrongs the other? And if you don't forgive them, how do you justify your anger against them when you weren't even involved?
Deciding whether someone should be forgiven after a terrible deed is a very tricky decision, often depending on the specifics of the case. What often confuses and makes me question my morals is when one friend violates the emotions of another friend, multiple times for that matter. Should you forgive the friend that wrongs the other? And if you don't forgive them, how do you justify your anger against them when you weren't even involved?
I definitely agree; it's so hard to decide whether or not to forgive someone. "forgive, but never forget" is true in my book because you shouldn't disregard what someone has done, because it shows part of their character (even if it's a fluke aka bad day or something it shows that sometimes that can get the best of them). If you keep having to forgive someone for the same reason, they obviously are no friend to you because they would at least try to stop doing whatever they did to upset you if they were truly friends with you (I mean that only if you made it clear that what they did upset you, not just said it's no big deal and forgave them).
In terms of friends fighting, I've seen it so much with mine. We make it a point for none of us to never get involved when it's not dealing with us directly. It's hard because you want so much to help, and you take sides without even meaning to, but I think if you keep it only between the two friends, then things won't turn into a huge battle and they can try to resolve it on their own-there also might be more to it than you know, so getting involved can make it a lot worse.
I think if things clear up between the two friends and they forgive each other, you should be able to forgive the friend too. I mean until they do something to you directly, I don't think you can use what they did to some other person against them. Until they do some horrible thing to you, try to leave well enough alone (that's just my point of view idk).
It is contextual. I think forgiveness and the idea of something being unforgivable depends on the action, the situation, and even the persons involved. No two situations are alike, and no two people respond in the same way. What might be forgivable for me, for you in the same situation may be unforgivable.
I find it harder to forgive someone for what they've done to a friend than for what they've done to me, although maybe that's because some of my friends have had to put up with a lot more bad stuff than I have.
This sounds cliché, but I really only think someone should be forgiven for something if they're sorry. If not, there's no reason they won't do it again. It's very difficult to know if someone actually has repented, though.
being in high school, i've realized that, in cases specific to high school, you basically have to forgive a friend for something (even if you never receive an apology and don't really want to forgive them). now of course, high school matters are usually forgiveable, considering they're not murder or rape, but (to agree with the other commenters) it's always hard to forgive a friend for doing something to another friend. i hold grudges, and i know i shouldn't, since i would like to be forgiven as well for my faults, but you can't simply forget about a situation corrupted enough to be called 'drama'.
now, if you're actually hurt by a friend in high school, i've seen that you have three choices:
1. be awkward for a while and then forgive them and love them.
2. be awkward for a while and then forgive them and look forward to not having to speak to them after high school.
3. in extreme cases, leave school.
my point is -- that in this 'drama'-filled high school world -- you always have to forgive your friends or look like you forgive them. if you don't, you're causing more harm to yourself than good. morals and pride are inevitably compromised.
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